people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
