I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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