Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
