Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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