party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
