He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize