Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sarcasm needs its own font
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
