Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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