We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
