i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
