Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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