I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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