Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
