Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
