I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
