Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
