Ketchup is God's man juice
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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