The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this will be a night to untag.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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