Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
