I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
