Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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