Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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