I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
