I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
