my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
