playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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