he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
