I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My hand turned me down
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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