His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize