its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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