it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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