She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
