it hurts more in the daytime
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He has the fingertips of a God
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