I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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