Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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