Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
