I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He is an equal opportunity slut.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize