I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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