i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize