So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
