He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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