you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
