NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
