So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
