whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
