I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
