When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
