so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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