Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
