there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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