my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
In America we eat man semen.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
