The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize