So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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