I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
