I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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