I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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