No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
