It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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