your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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