I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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