It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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