So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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