I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize