I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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