I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
