Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
