Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(435): View more from Utah

Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do

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(954): View more from Florida

so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

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(512): View more from Texas

I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?

(224): View more from Illinois

50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.

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(562): View more from California

I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?

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(347): View more from New York

New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt

(858): View more from California

Peter this is your "ex"

(347): View more from New York

I stand by what i said

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