Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
