Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
