i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
